The Versalie Ambassadors are a group of everyday people who are currently experiencing the ups and downs of the menopausal transition. They’ve been working with us to help build Versalie. Their experience and insights help us test our ideas, learn, and improve what we were creating. Their stories have the power to create real change.
We hope you see yourself in their stories — their symptoms, their highs and lows — and find that you’re not alone in this beautiful (but sometimes chaotic) phase of life.
Versalie Ambassador – Stacy, 48
Perimenopause, started at age 43
4+ symptoms, including weight gain, trouble sleeping, anxiety, physical exhaustion
When and how did you first realize you were in perimenopause?
I had lower belly weight gain, which in the beginning I didn't know was actually related to perimenopause. I started talking to other people and went to my doctor and asked what was going on. They said I was perimenopausal. I didn't know that was a symptom.
I'm not sleeping very well at all. I have high anxiety at times. Sometimes I'm achy, but these weren’t things I knew were perimenopause symptoms.
“I was waiting for the hot flashes and irritability. I was waiting for the typical symptoms, and I never had them. But now I realize I have a whole load of them that I didn't know was part of it.”
You mentioned a few of your symptoms. Can you talk more about them and how they’ve affected you?
I find that I have less energy. 3 o'clock comes around and I'm sluggish, and I never was. I've never been a coffee drinker, so I don't do the caffeine high or anything. I'm just a morning person. I wake up, everything's fine, and then all of a sudden, like, 2, 3 o’clock and I'm ready for a nap. Obviously, I can't take one because jobs prohibit that. They don't like when you're napping on the job.
In addition to being tired, I definitely feel more anxious. Random anxieties that kind of run away with me, and that's typically not who I am. Like for example, going to the airport, I’ll have anxiety that the GPS says it’ll take 15 minutes to get there. Normally I’m like, “I get there when I get there. I’m sure I left enough time.”
If something happens, and my kids are like we should go to the doctor, I’m not phased even if someone is gushing blood. Nothing phases me, but then the anxiety of getting to the airport was off the charts. I don't know why.
I've been in the same field for work for 25 years and have a deep level of understanding of what I need to do each day. But in the last year or so, I have had more anxiety with work, feeling extra tired, heart rate kind of running. But my role at work has not significantly changed. And my job isn't in jeopardy. Like, there's no reason why I should be feeling like this. But there are times when I do and I'm like, “Why? This is not a big deal. You've been doing this job for 25 years. Why are you in a panic?” I don't like it. It's a very uncomfortable, unnerving feeling to feel like you don't know who you are in situations because this is not who I would describe myself as. I am confident, assured, and capable. And now, apparently, other people would describe me in a completely different way.
I don't know what to do about it because I don't have the mechanisms to combat what I’m feeling because I've never felt them. What do I do if I get work anxiety? I don't know what to do because I don't have an arsenal of tactics to help myself. I've never had this before.
I know myself as a very flat, almost under-anxious person. And then these things come up, and I'm like, “Who is she? I don't like her. She's not fun. She's a ball of stress. She talks a million miles an hour when she's stressed out.”
I almost don't recognize parts of myself as I'm going through this, and I don't like it. I didn't dislike who I was before. So now I'm changing, and I don't like that. And I'm also looking at myself, and visually, I'm not liking things about myself. And it's just a change that I feel really uncomfortable about, especially if I thought there was absolutely nothing I could do. I just had to ride the wave.
It's funny, because I feel like, how am I going through this? I look in the mirror, and I look older, but internally, I don't feel any different. There's a completely new identity that I feel like I have to get comfortable with, and I don't know how to do that because I'm not comfortable with it. I don't know how to be okay with these changes that I obviously have no control over. They're going to happen whether I'm happy with them or not.
I realized my body was doing its own thing. When I was younger, I could eat anything, like plates of carbs and pasta. Now if I have a slice of bread, I think it literally goes right to my stomach. I never had to worry about what I ate, how much. I always ate a lot because I was a dancer, so I was constantly metabolizing really fast. Even 5 years ago, I used one of those gene kits and one of the outcomes was that I metabolize really fast. I was like, that's great I'm in my 40s and I'm metabolizing fast. I don't think I'm metabolizing slow now, but maybe slower. Something is definitely off because I'm gaining weight in the belly area. And now I'm learning that it’s hormones.
I'm not loving my body at all, and I never had an issue with it. When we take pictures, I think, “How do I stand so that my gut doesn't show?” Whereas earlier, like 5 years ago, I'd be like, whatever, I'll stand, however, who cares? It's always in my brain that the gut is there.
“There are so many aspects of your body and your life that menopause impacts. It's how you look, it's how you feel, it's how you think, it's how you sleep, it's what food you crave, it's everything.”
And it becomes very consuming. It's every aspect of your life, and I kind of feel like that's not fair. I'm not doing anything different where my mental health or visual appearance should be impacted. I shouldn't be tired all the time, and it's completely out of my control.
Talk to your healthcare provider if you have questions or concerns about your own mood changes or anxiety.
What have you tried to do so far to manage your symptoms? Is there anything you’d like to try?
For trouble sleeping, I’ve tried a few things. At first, I took some melatonin drops in the middle of the night when I woke up, which seemed to put me to sleep for a short period of time, but not for the rest of the night. I’ve also tried over-the-counter sleep aids before I went to sleep. They didn’t always last the whole night. I tried a glass of wine before bed, but I totally don’t sleep well on wine. I’ve also tried lavender oils, anything that I could think of that would kind of relax me, but nothing really works.
I also find that if I take the sleep aid or melatonin too many nights in a row, my body forgets how to fall asleep. If I took a sleep aid for 3 nights, I would sleep a little longer into the night than I would have if I didn't take it. But then the fourth night, I'm sitting there like my body doesn’t know how to fall asleep.
For the menopause belly, it's really just diet that I’ve tried to alter. I try to drink more water. I try to do more cardio, try to walk more. I try to do workouts with weights 4 days a week. I have a routine that I do in an at-home gym. I don't go to the gym. And I try to walk when it's nice outside, like 3 miles a day.
I find that really nothing is relieving any of the symptoms because I don't think anything is really targeting what's causing them.
I would love some pill that's all natural, that I know is safe, that doesn't conflict with any other medications I might take that just kind of makes it go away or helps me sleep at night.
I think I need counseling, psychological counseling, because it's very consuming and I spend a lot of time trying to come to terms with what seems out of my control.
This is a personal story and is not intended to provide medical advice. Talk to your healthcare provider about potential treatment options that can work for you.
Have you talked to a medical professional about your perimenopause symptoms? How’d that go?
Kind of. I went to my primary care doctor and asked what’s going on here. And they said I’m perimenopausal. I asked what I can do about this weight gain. And he said there’s nothing I can do. I'm like, really? There's nothing? And that was just it.
Then I went to my OB-GYN because I was like, you know, feminine issues. But they also said that nothing could be done. She said it was from hormones, but they couldn’t do anything about it.
Did anyone talk about menopause growing up? Did anyone talk to you about menopause before it happened?
No, not a soul. I have a very small family, so I have, like, one aunt. Nobody has ever said a word about it. I've spoken to nobody else because my mother didn't talk to me about it so it really didn’t seem like an appropriate topic of conversation. I have no idea what her symptoms were other than hot flashes. That's the one you hear across the board, so you're ready for that. But I don't know when she was menopausal, how old she was, how she felt before, how she felt after. I know nothing.
I grew up in a house where I could say anything, which is interesting to say, considering my mother didn't talk to me about menopause, but I wasn’t stifled in any way. There was always freedom of expression. But I'm sure there were topics that nobody talked about despite that because of the embarrassment or stigma attached to them.
What role have your family, friends, and partner played in your menopause journey? Have you seen any changes in those relationships?
I haven't been talking to anyone about it. It's not a sexy topic. And I think as you get older, you feel like your sex appeal is kind of waning and you're not who you used to be and everybody's younger than you. So, the last thing I wanted to do was bring up a topic that made me feel even less attractive. Even with my best friends, we could talk about anything, but I'm like, let's not talk about that.
My family has had zero involvement. I wouldn't even bring it up to them. If I'm not gonna talk about it to my female friends, I'm definitely not gonna talk about it to my spouse, who I'm getting older with, right in front of. I don't wanna be like, “You know what else is super sexy about me?” I wouldn't go there.
I would love to talk to my boys about it, so they have some idea about why I’m forgetful or a little “clueless” at time. I feel like if you have a daughter and they're going through puberty, sometimes there's a congruence between what they're going through at puberty and what you're going through as you're going through menopause. But with boys, it's a different world. I think they'd look at me like I was crazy. I don't even know how that conversation would come up. I don't know how they would sit there and look at me sanely. Like, I think they would just be like, “Why are you telling me this?” I'm not going there with them at this point anyway.
I think it probably pushes people away when I'm having what I would call it an episode because I’m not normally an anxious or unconfident person. I just have these waves of it. I'm sure people are like, I'll come back and talk to her tomorrow when maybe she's back to her normal flat-line self. I'm assuming it pushes people away because nobody wants to be around somebody who's, like, wacky, self-absorbed, or inconsistent.
What I wish I knew: What would you tell your younger self about menopause if you could go back in time?
It's so interesting to me that I didn't know how impactful hormones are on everything, every part of you. But when you hit this age and perimenopause and the hormones are doing completely wonky things, you're like, “Wow. These are really a huge component of who we are as humans.” No one's walking around at 20, 25, 30 being like, oh hormones, that'll impact me one day. But when it hits you, it’s like a train just pushing you. It's crazy.
I would have loved to know what the symptoms were other than the hot flashes, because that's the one that we're all told about. What else might I feel? When might I experience it based on my family heritage? When did my mom get it? When did my grandmother get it? When did my grandmother's sisters get it? I don't know any of that.
It’s something to be on the lookout for. When I turned 43 and the lovely growing gut thing started, I was like, something must be wrong because I'm 43 years old. I'm too young for that. But you're not too young for that. And I don't think you know it until all of a sudden, you're in it. And it's kind of a shock.
Why am I shocked by this? Why did nobody tell me that when I turned 40 it's quite possible that this could get started and you might be experiencing symptoms that you're very surprised about and you don't know why you're feeling them, and there's a reason. I was totally in the dark.
Are there any misconceptions, myths, or stigmas about menopause that you want to debunk or clarify?
I think many misconceptions about menopause exist. I want to clarify that menopause does not signify lack of vitality, sexuality, or vigor. And while experiencing it definitely comes with changes and challenges for women, it does not change who we are at the core.
What advice would you give to others starting or going through the menopausal transition?
The old, be happy that you're getting to the point that you're living to do this. I think that's very easily left behind if people haven't lost people early. I think aging is a good thing because it's hard to do because not everybody gets to do it.
“And then I think about menopause — it doesn't change who you are. It changes how you act. It changes how you look. But it doesn't change who you are at the core.”
I know all of these symptoms impact me and the people around me, but it doesn't change me as an individual. And at some point, I will likely be back to the individual I know without all of these other components being thrown in. Stay true to who you are because you will be that person again. It just may be a slightly different variation of that.
What's an unexpected improvement in life now, as you’re aging and going through perimenopause?
Not everybody ages. It's hard to get older. I mean, it's hard in that people's bodies give out and they don't get older. I always thought it was, “Oh, I'll get older later and then when that happens, I'll just use creams and potions and everything will look the same and I'll work out like crazy because I've always done that.” And now it's more like I still want to do all those things to try to stop the process, but I'm happy to be in the process because of the realization that not everybody gets there.
I feel like instead of sitting back and just letting it happen, I'm doing whatever I can to help myself, whether it's actually gonna help me or not. In my brain, I feel like, “Well, I'm doing something, and maybe that'll help, you know?”
Why did you want to become a Versalie Ambassador?
I was so excited to hear about the opportunity to become a Versalie Ambassador because I had just started experiencing some changes to my body that my HCPs did not truly explain or help me find resolution for. Versalie stepped in to really make perimenopause (and future stages) understandable and less stigmatized. The timing for the Ambassador opportunity was perfect.
What’s your favorite part about being an Ambassador?
I love being part of a community that allows for open dialogue and diverse education on menopause-related phases. Versalie provides a full range of information, tailored product options, and resources for women like me.
What’s the biggest change you’ve made since joining as an Ambassador? What’s one thing you’ve learned about menopause that you think is critical to share with others?
The biggest change I’ve made has been that I am now talking about the phases of menopause more openly with friends and family. It is less taboo and embarrassing of a topic for me. Because I have learned that it is a phase of life that is in no way shameful or a negative part of being a woman. It is an indicator of the body’s inability to reproduce but we are still the women we were before the phase began. We just have to do some things differently — focus more on good sleep, wholesome eating, and the importance of exercise — than perhaps we used to.
