The Versalie Ambassadors are a group of everyday people who are currently experiencing the ups and downs of the menopausal transition. They’ve been working with us to help build Versalie. Their experience and insights help us test our ideas, learn, and improve what we were creating. Their stories have the power to create real change.
We hope you see yourself in their stories — their symptoms, their highs and lows — and find that you’re not alone in this beautiful (but sometimes chaotic) phase of life.
Versalie Ambassador – Wanda, 53
Postmenopause, total hysterectomy (surgically induced menopause) at age 42
10+ symptoms, including hot flashes, mood swings, difficulty sleeping, weight gain, brain fog, fatigue, anxiety, loss of libido, thinning hair, looser skin, wrinkles
You experienced surgically induced menopause. Can you tell us more about how that happened?
I had diverticulitis and received a colostomy first. But in 2012, they said they were going to open me up again and they didn’t know what they were going to find. There were possibilities of cancer or having to remove some of the reproductive organs. But it was iffy.
After the surgery, I remember opening my eyes and asking my best friend, “What happened? Did they do a total hysterectomy?” And she said, “I’m sorry, they did.” and I just started bawling. I was already 42 but, in my head, I was still going to have kids.
I think people are surprised when I tell them that I had a total hysterectomy. I remember people asking me, “Why did you get a total hysterectomy? Why did they take everything out?” I just told them, the doctor said that was what they had to do. When it would come up in a conversation or somebody knew I was sick or anything like that, I would tell them I had a total hysterectomy.
That to me was the worst and most frustrating thing — no doctor ever told me that because they performed a total hysterectomy, that then I was going to go through some things.
“For a long time, I felt disconnected from my body. It didn’t feel like me. My body became a stranger that I couldn’t understand and control.”
I always used surgery as a reference, my life before and after surgery. But it’s really my life before menopause and my life after menopause. Every aspect of my femininity just changed.
I felt like I grieved for it for a long time. I didn’t feel like a complete woman. I don’t have my feminine parts. I have a vulva, but I don’t have any of the other parts that are exclusively for women, so am I a complete woman? I’ve had those thoughts.
What symptoms have you experienced since then? Can you talk more about them and how they’ve affected you?
As soon as I left the hospital, I started experiencing symptoms. I remember getting in the car with my sister and telling her “This AC doesn’t seem to be working”, and then all of a sudden, I was on fire! And then I was really cold. The temperature fluctuation was just awful. It was so intense. I wasn’t prepared for that. And it happened another time when I was driving with my niece. I remember I had to keep telling her “Turn up the AC, turn it down. Turn it up, turn it down.”
I don’t think I had any perimenopause symptoms before the hysterectomy. I’ve tried to think about that because it was so intense and so immediate when I got the surgery. Because I’ve always been a person where everyone is ok and I’m hot. So, I wasn’t sure at the beginning if this was an extension of ‘you’re always hot’. But then I realized ‘No’ because it was so intense.
I also get cold. Sometimes it will come after the hot flash and sometimes it will come on its own, out of the blue. The cold doesn’t last long, but the hot flashes still happen. It’s been 10 years — they happen less often, but I still get them, and they can still be intense.
Another symptom is my mood. When I had my period, I would get these mood changes that we all get. But after the surgery, it was very intense. And I couldn't explain it because it was almost like I was about to get my period. The mood changes came and went irregularly with no specific pattern. And I didn't know why I was feeling that way.
I just went through the ups and downs of those moods. It was awful. I felt like I hated people all of a sudden. And why do I feel like this? I'm just mad for no reason or sad for no reason. I'd start crying and I'd be like, “Oh, my gosh. What is this? I don't have my period. What's going on?” I had no idea honestly, and no one to ask.
I was a nanny when I had the surgery, and it definitely affected how I interacted with the children because my mood felt different. I felt like I was annoyed more, and I had a shorter temper or less patience. I didn’t know where that was coming from.
There was also brain fog. When the parents want me to, I would teach Spanish to the kids that I nannied. So, when I was teaching, my patience was shorter, there were certain things I was forgetting. Because I wasn’t sleeping well, sometimes getting to work on time was hard because I was having a hard time waking up. It’s hard to be at work at 7am if you don’t fall asleep until 4am.
I also used to get panic attacks, and they started right after the surgery.
I had lost a whole lot of weight being sick. And then after, maybe a month, I just started to gain weight. I felt like I was eating the same way I had always eaten. But it was crazy the way I was gaining weight and feeling bloated, like I was on my menstruation.
My skin is another change. I felt like I got old all of a sudden. Everyone always told me I don’t look my age, but then suddenly, my skin started to sag, wrinkles. But it was a quick transformation. One day my sister mentioned that I looked a lot more like our mom now. I thought it was funny she said that because I felt like I was starting to look different. I feel like my skin needs more hydration than ever. I look at it, and I always feel like it looks dehydrated, dry.
"I’ve seen how aging comes quickly with menopause. They took everything out and 10 years just fell on me!"
My hair texture has also changed! It’s gotten way thinner. My hair used to be way softer, less frizzy.
My energy levels were definitely down, and I feel like they continue to go down more. The sexual desire went off and it also just keeps declining. It’s not even a thing of interest.
What have you tried to do so far to manage your symptoms? Is there anything you’d like to try?
I tried to drink a lot more water. I was forcing myself to be hydrated, thinking it would make me feel better.
I also started taking sleeping pills because I couldn't sleep. The sleeping got awful. I had trouble staying asleep and falling asleep. If I fell asleep, I’d be awake again in 2-3 hours like it was the middle of the day. I tried different methods and now I’ve created a routine and use natural stuff, like melatonin, as opposed to getting prescribed sleeping pills because I really didn’t want to be on prescribed medication. I try to go to bed, more or less, at the same time every day, created a bedtime routine. I don’t do anything in my bedroom except sleep. I had to make a lot of changes because I used to love falling asleep watching the TV and then that wasn’t working. I would be up all night.
I’m sure I needed hormones, but no one ever told me, you should be taking hormones. I didn’t know what was going on in my body. I would be asking people, “Should I be taking hormones?”. I researched it, and it was so confusing and there was conflicting information.
This is a personal story and is not intended to provide medical advice. Talk to your healthcare provider about potential treatment options that can work for you.
Have you talked to a medical professional about your perimenopause symptoms? How’d that go?
I went to my general doctor, and I went to the OB-GYN once. She told me I didn’t need to go ever again because I had a hysterectomy and there was no need for pelvic exams because of that. And I asked “So, what am I supposed to do? Like, am I supposed to take something?” She said no. She didn't give me anything and I haven’t been to an OB-GYN since.
When I went to my rheumatologist, because I have simple osteoarthritis, I asked her. I told her, I've read that it affects your bones. So, I’m thinking, is that why I feel tired? Is that why my bones feel in pain? And she did a bone density test, and everything was fine. So that's it. No recommendations, just exercise and aspirin.
Did anyone talk about menopause growing up? Did anyone talk to you about menopause before it happened?
The only thing I ever heard about menopause was hot flashes.
My mom passed before I went through it, so I didn’t get to talk to her about it. No one really talked about it, and I didn’t really hear anything from anyone. The exception was my friend's mom. I remember having a talk with her, a friend of hers, and another older lady that I knew through them. And I remember us talking about it and we were just laughing about the heat and the moods. But that was it.
I’m from Puerto Rico, and the culture is taboo with menopause and many other things. Women’s health really isn’t discussed. So, you learn to keep quiet. I remember when I got on birth control, I didn’t tell anyone, because I knew they’d be like “What, so that means you’re sleeping with someone?” And I feel like menopause is the same thing — we don’t talk about those things.
What roles have your family, friends, and partner played in your menopause journey? Have you seen any changes in those relationships?
One of my friends who passed, I’m friends with her mom and she’s older, so I would ask her. The only thing she could remember clearly having during menopause was the hot flashes and changes in her skin. Everything else she couldn’t relate to. But she also didn’t have any recommendations of what to do. I talked to an aunt who warned about the hot flashes but the only change she made was starting to go to bed earlier. She also started drinking collagen and that helped her.
I only talked to those few people, and then when I didn’t get any responses or helpful advice, I started thinking, “Well, I think it’s different for me.” I would search online but that didn’t help because it was confusing.
“I was kind of embarrassed because I felt like I was exaggerating because I was experiencing things that I didn’t hear about from other people.”
I would talk to my really close friends from Puerto Rico. I told them and we joked about it, you know? So, I'm going through this and that. The deepest the conversations would go is someone acknowledging that yeah hot flashes are hard to deal with, yeah, it’s tough.
I didn’t tell many people because I didn’t think they’d understand. Because the few people I talked to didn’t understand. I always felt like I was exaggerating. I started second guessing my feelings because of what other people thought.
“I remember my friend's mom saying it's menopause, honey. And I was like, but I had a total hysterectomy. They took everything out. And she's like, exactly. You're going through menopause.”
I started to feel the need to not be in a group or to not be in an activity because I was thinking “Oh, I can't go there. It's too hot there. I don't do well.” Or thinking “That's a long trip.” I kept finding more and more excuses to not be in reunions or with friends because in my head, it felt like a hassle. I was thinking, I'm better if I'm here. Here, I'm comfortable. I can drink water. I can monitor my skin. I can go to the bathroom whenever I want to. I can sleep whenever I want to. But if I go to XYZ, then I have to be explaining to people why I feel like this or why I’m acting like that. So, it definitely affected me. And then I started to say less and less and less and less and just... Just suck it up.
What I wish I knew: What would you tell your younger self about menopause if you could go back in time?
Find a doctor that's going to understand and help you. Don't do like I did when the first doctor just said that I don't even need to come to the OB-GYN anymore because they’re not going to check me for cervical cancer. Do I need hormones? No, you're fine. Don't stay satisfied with that. Look for more. There's going to be someone out there that's going to help you. And trust me, it's more than just hot flashes.
I also wish I had the resources that I have now, the resources I’ve found through Versalie that didn’t exist when I was going through it. I wish every woman in my life, family, and friends would take the time to learn, listen, and use resources like Versalie.
Are there any misconceptions, myths, or stigmas about menopause that you want to debunk or clarify?
The first one is hot flashes. I wish people would talk about that more without just saying simply, “Oh, yeah, those. Yeah, I have a hot flash.” Because it's really not just getting hot. To me, it feels like somebody took a water hose, but this time it's fire. Like a flamethrower. And guess what? You're gonna feel it from your toes to your head. Like, your body is literally on fire.
What advice would you give to others starting or going through the menopausal transition?
Talk about it. I think that's the biggest thing. Ask someone. And if you don’t get a response from one professional, go to another one. There’s a doctor out there who’s going to understand you and help you.
What's an unexpected improvement in life now, as you’re aging and going through perimenopause?
Recently, I’ve embraced it a little bit more. I’m never going to go back to pre-surgery. But it’s okay. And it’s okay that menopause is going to last however long it’s going to last for me. I’ve embraced that — it is what it is. It’s already been 10 years. And yes, I’m a complete woman, even if I don’t have all the parts anymore.
It’s helped me look at other aspects of my life. I know I can help myself with the right tools when I have them. I went from being a nanny to exploring other things. I felt like my body was aging, time was flying by — so why not do other things? Why not learn other things?
I've become more observant, more in touch with myself. I've become more open to learning and doing other things. I've taken up photography, painting, and doing creative things. Before I used to think, well I’m not good at that, I’m not a painter, I don’t know how to paint. Now I think it doesn’t matter. I can do art, and it makes me feel good. I used to love coloring books, but now I’ve taken it to another level and enjoy designing coloring books.
I like to journal now. I do it more because I actually like it instead of thinking “Let me journal so I can empty my brain.”
Why did you want to become a Versalie Ambassador?
To talk about it. I think that's the biggest thing and why I'm so excited about being a part of this is because everyone is talking about it. And finally, I feel like so many women's lives are going to be changed. They won’t have to go through these things that we go through unnecessarily because of lack of information.
What’s your favorite part about being an Ambassador?
It’s hard to say what my favorite part of being a Versalie Ambassador is because there’s more than one favorite. But the top one is connecting with not only experts, but women like me! Women I can relate to. I’ve made real life friendships. I connected with Alicia, and we became friends. We have supported each other beyond menopause, thanks to Versalie. Also, the experiences I’ve had to voice my opinions & thoughts about menopause, products, and experiences have been great! I have felt like a huge part of the Versalie family, along with the other ambassadors and what Versalie has become today.
What’s the biggest change you’ve made since joining as an Ambassador? What’s one thing you’ve learned about menopause that you think is critical to share with others?
The biggest change I have made is to normalize/feel ok with not being ok all the time. And most importantly, speaking up more and advocating for women with menopause. This has been a taboo, ignored, unspoken, and uninformed topic where I’m from (Puerto Rico). And thanks to Versalie, I have become part of the change. We are talking about it, having normal conversations about our bodies, and how we feel. Even if it’s one woman that listens and realizes there’s help and what they are going through is ok. I don’t feel guilty or embarrassed. The opposite is I’ve been empowered because knowledge is power. Now I have a great responsibility to share it. I am showing up and talking about it.
